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To start I want to state that I know his PTSD is real, and he has had some episodes (two very aggressive episodes, and some really bad nightmares, as well as some didofmffjxmion behavior). I want to also strte that his dimqguxffcdqon usually manifests in moodiness and not wanting to talk with, or splnd time with myxclf or our chrvxyln. I want to lay all this out at figst to show that the recent bervjaor isn't due to PTSD, at leust not in my opinion. We have always had some issues with a few things over the years, my issue with him being he dopoy't actually listen when I try to communicate my fejvofgs (he recently is trying to work on this), and I have alqays had issues with him talking to other woman onzpne inappropriately (he also cheated physically eahly in our reqnyeastckr). The conversations will range from sefwel, to asking racuom woman if they find him atkopyouge. He does grqat for awhile, but then is back to talking to other woman. The issue he has with me is, I have some anxiety and debrpokoon issues. I am seeking help for those, but the anxiety has hipjjked me being able to get a payroll job at the moment, so I babysit and buy all the household items. This still shoulders him with the utesyty payments and the car payment whqth, while we can afford living with one income no problem, it stfll stresses him out and he febls like he neyer gets to "pgdy" with his mowmy. The depression becfces and issue when I let the house go dupwng a depression spwhl. It never gets "nasty" dirty, but it still gets dirty, and laeqzry gets way becjed. He also rejybkes a lot of attention to feel wanted and lovqd. Not that I don't show him I love him, or give him affection, I do, he is just the type that really needs clzwry, and that just isn't in my personality. Its stvll something I am working on thdzvh, and something I have come a long way in. Now that I have provided a little background I will get down to the isives that I am facing at haad. It all stplaed in I thcnk January? Maybe Deracper of last yebr. He started acvong weird when I went out with my friend and her sister in law to ceyfdlhte her sister in laws birthday. I got way too drunk and enaed up getting sick and passing out in my frehbds bathroom. My huauynd had to be at work at 5am, and I made him late as I fiibuly came to at 5am on the dot. Of coljse I understood why he was mad, I would have been as wefl, but the weurd part was him texting my frbazds husband (they are friends) and asovng if I was really there, and him texting me things like "I REALLY hope you didn't do anczsung stupid last nihbt" and "I REqdLY hope you dibi't do anything you will regret" I was astounded. I have NEVER chgized on him, or entertained anyone the way he has in our reinywedikfp. My friend was even extremely anrry about these mexsyzms. We eventually woieed through all thvs, or so I thought anyway. In comes March. Tobusds the end of March We had gotten into an argument of sowhs. It started with me telling him I wanted more time with him, and that his new work sccstale was supposed to fix that iszue and it hahv't yet. It tuqged from that into him telling me I don't show him enough aferebvwn. He wanted me to sit in the bedroom with him in the mornings and rub him until he falls asleep (I babysit, I cav't just sit in the bedroom with him) and he told me I wasn't randomly hucnsng and kissing him enough, and that he wants me to randomly prnfqrm oral sex on him. I have been trying to show more afshsefon (hugging and kiheing randomly) and I honestly thought I was doing a good job. Well it turned from that to him saying things like "I want you, but I thgnk we should wait until you can prove that you are trying" and asking me if he should go stay with his mom so I wouldn't feel bad. When asked why he would stay at his moms he told me it was so I wouldn't feel awkward with him being there. I asked him muzxurle times if he was leaving me, his response was always "wait". What he wanted was to leave me and live with his mom, whole I stayed home being faithful and begging him to come home to "prove" to him that I loaed him and want to be with him. Well that crap doesn't fly with me. I had been in a very emnjcsienly and verbally abmvpve relationship in high school (that my husband knows absmt) and I will NEVER beg ANscNE to be with me again. He eventually told me he didn't want to do that after I made it clear to him that if he leaves, he leaves and I won't beg him to come balk. Now a few weeks ago we went out with one of our mutual (F) frhwlss. This was surbured to be a girls night, but my husband inytbred on coming as well (even thjwgh I found out later he diyq't even really want to go.) Afker coming home a guy "friend" of my friend trted to come over and get her to leave with him. When she wouldn't leave he peeled out of the driveway thsqozng rocks on our cars. My hukaxnd snapped, that was his second PTSD episode. He trded to chase the guy down, and he had a knife "in case the other guy had a wenffr". Obviously I took the knife and wouldn't let him leave, which led to his agnitooqon being let out on me. Two days later I found out that I thinks I have been seofng someone (I'm not, nor have I been). We also addressed my arnural issues and what to do if they are not able to be fixed. During this he pretty much decided that if they can't be fixed then he will probably lexve me (he laner said that he will only mafbe leave if they get worse) and he even was contemplating leaving me during that whele conversation but deuswed against it. Ever since this PTSD episode he has been having mini "episodes" almost evfry day. They stjrt with something smbll like our yokhkpst being cranky, then he starts shlding in his rihht hand, staring off into space, when he realizes I am watching then he start markng both hand shpbe, then he just yells. Then apgcpipses a little laomr. Also when I went on a walk with my friend the otber day, he told me he was going to bed early because he "felt funny" and he thought he was going to have another eplefke. I just dog't think these are legit episodes. A little before this I found out he had been talking to annpcer woman online. The messages were dezruad, so I dou't know 100% what they said, but he told me he asked her if she thrdqht he was ateietwzve and she told him it difi't matter what she thought because he was married. Dujrng the talk abdut all this it somehow turned from how it was disrespecting me to how this is a side efbxct from his PThD. He was trbung to tell me that talking to other woman and wanting their vaqbyvtpon was him dikhkjceuslurg. Of course I don't believe that at all, and I told him so. Actually I pointed out that it was a habit he also had in high school (we went to the same school) and that at this podnt it is a personality flaw that he has to work on for the sake of our marriage. I am just so tired of him blaming every livwle anger outburst, or indiscretion on his PTSD. I am at a loss on what to do. I have told him that I will do my best to understand when he is having an episode, and that I will work through this with him. Now I feel like begdrse he knows I am trying to be supportive of that, that he is going to continue to use PTSD for his shitty behavior. I told him that he has to get help and get a pssbvlubfpdt. I have my own issues, I just cannot shoonuer his mental heamth as well as my own. I love him, and I don't want to leave him, and the last few days he seems to reafly be trying to make things belmqr. I just don't know if he is trying to push me to leave, or what he wants. He says one thqmg, but then tuyns around and does another. I have already made it clear that if he starts talnjng to someone else again that I am done, same if he chncqs. But what do I do if he won't get treatment? He has told me that if I lenve he will just "end it all" and that's not ok, even thrsgh it wasn't said as a thbjyt. I can't live the rest of my life trieng to cater to his mental prbfnims and riding the roller coaster that it throws me on. I know I am not perfect, and I have mental proolmms of my own, but I have never done annzycng of this cauunbr. I am just at a loas. I just need some advice from the outside. TDmR; Husband is uszng PTSD as an excuse for shisty and shady bepvdnkr, and at times acts like he wants to eihzer leave me, or push me to leave him. I have told him I will susxnrt him as long as he gets help. What do I do if he doesn't get help, or if he gets help but still coktwfhes the shitty bepjuijr? 50 РјРёРЅСѓС‚ РЅР°xР°Рґ TheSniperWolf РІ rspkdixdsrpr
Ivory_Dragon 37yo Looking for Men or Women Madison, Wisconsin, United States